Dear Mr Blackstone,
I am writing you this email to introduce myself, a student in Effective Communications class. My name is Brendan, and I am an undergraduate from the Singapore Institute of Technology. I am currently pursuing a degree in civil engineering to further my studies after having graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a diploma in the same field of study.
One goal which I hope to achieve in the foreseeable future, is to start a career in the construction industry. I choose to pursue a career in this industry as I have always been fascinated by how our built environment came to be. As a young boy, I was intrigued by watching the heavy machinery on a construction site work tirelessly for months until finally the building is completed and becomes a space where people can live, work and play. In school, I enjoyed subjects such as math and science as they presented an opportunity to apply concepts learnt in class so that we are able to solve real world problems. Naturally, this led me to my course of study so that I can develop my technical knowledge and further explore my interest.
One strength I have in terms of communication, is that I am able to communicate well in a group setting. I had many opportunities to work in a group or as a team during my 3 years in polytechnic which has helped me to be more outspoken and share my thoughts and ideas. I believe I can better convey my ideas and share my thoughts in a constructive manner after working on various projects with different groups of people.
One weakness I have in terms of communication, is my limited vocabulary which prevents me from being more expressive in terms of my writing and my speech. I find that many times I lack the confidence to speak boldly or expressively due to the lack of words which I can express myself.
I hope that through this class I am able to improve my communication skills in terms of my writing and develop relevant communication skills which would be useful as I enter the workforce in the near future. I look forward to learning from you in the coming classes.
Yours sincerely,
Brendan Goh
BrendanBlogs 
Hi Brendan,
Your self-introduction has been a pleasant read and it has helped me to get to know you better.
Just some quick suggestions:
1. “I choose to pursue a career…” > “I have chosen to pursue a career…”
2. “Your sincerely” > “Yours sincerely”
Hope this helps and keep up the good work!
Best regards,
Wei Jie
LikeLike
Hi Brendan,
I enjoyed reading your letter, it is an interesting and well-written letter.
However, I have a few suggestions I would like to share.
1. “… in the foreseeable future, is to start.. ” > “… in the foreseeable future is to start..”
The comma may be separating the subject and the verb, consider removing it.
2. “…concepts learnt in class so…” > “…concepts learned in class so…”
The spelling of learnt is non-American variant. For consistency, you may consider to replace it with the American English spelling.
In overall, this is still a great letter. Have a nice day!
Cheers,
Dylan
LikeLike
Dear Brendan,
Thank you for sharing in this fluent, detailed reflection. Your letter is highly informative, and it matches well with the parameters set for the assignment. I especially like the way you explain your interest in civil engineering. You also describe in detail what you see as strengths and weaknesses in communication. Your language use throughout the letter makes it clear that you have a good command of English.
To make this letter stronger, you might add one short paragraph on a hobby or extracurricular activity. I’d be interested to know, for example, how any outside interests connect with your developing communication skills and values.
In terms of language use, one minor punctuation error is in the second paragraph:
— . One goal which I hope to achieve in the foreseeable future, is to start a career in the construction industry.
I look forward to you making strong contributions to our classroom discussions and to the upcoming project work this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
LikeLike
hi Brendan
Glad to have you as a classmate for effective communication. I would like to comment on some pointers.
“I am writing you this email to introduce myself, a student in Effective Communications class” > “a student from your Effective Communication class”
“I choose to pursue a career in this industry as I have always been fascinated by how our built environment came to be.” – I think you could have added a comma after before the “as”.
Thank you for your introduction for me to better understand you.
LikeLike
Hi Brendan,
I would like to say that your self-introduction is well written, but I would like to bring up some points to help you to make it better.
1. The sentence “one goal which I hope to achieve in the foreseeable future, is to start a career in the construction industry.”
– You could rephrase it to “one of my goals for the future is to start a career in the construction industry.”
2. The sentence “… or expressively due to the lack of words which I can express myself.”
– You could rephrase it to “…or expressively due to the lack of words that I can express myself with.”
3. “Your sincerely” should be “Yours sincerely”.
I really enjoyed reading your letter and I hope to work more with you in class.
Best regards,
Kelvin
LikeLike